Friendship

I think the thing that I have missed most since we have moved to Georgia is my friends. Friends that know you well, friends that you have shared with and done life with. It's much easier being in a military community and making friends because we all were far from home and from family and so we came together as a unique family. I miss them, Jen and Eric, Corey and Jess, Heather, Jen and CJ.

Here in Georgia, we are not part of a military community. Instead we have joined a community of people, many whom have lived here their entire lives, who have family nearby. It's been harder to make friends with our Monday-Friday work schedules, long commutes and kids that are involved in activities. I have felt lonely many times. I have called my old friends and talked for hours on the phone wishing they were nearby.

Slowly though my friendships are building and coming together. A couple from our church community group and their three little boys whom we adore spending time with. Several mom's from cheerleading who I love to hang out with and who make me laugh. Work friends that make the day go by quicker and who text me when I am on vacation (probably to find out how soon I can get back:).

One friend that I have made though is a friend of my heart. On the surface we are so different.

She is beautiful, tall and thin, well put together.

I am well, shorter, far chubbier and not at all put together.

She likes people and draws them in with her warm smile and conversation.

I hate talking to people and would be far happier to only talk to people I know (does that explain the friend thing?)

Her house is always immaculate.

Mine looks like I need the Clean Sweep people to come and cure me of having too much stuff.

I met her and didn't want to like her. I was intimidated by her. Slowly though, I got to know her and her heart. I discovered that I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. She told me the truth when I asked for it. She stood by my side as my dad was dying and let me know that I was loved.

I discovered that behind that beautiful facade that there was a girl who didn't always think that she was worthy. Someone who didn't know how incredibly special and important she was. And that made me love her all the more.

Almost a year ago, our friendship hit some troubled waters. We were not as close, not as kind to each other. Our friendship got rather strained and over the summer and fall months we didn't really speak except for an occasional facebook message. I missed her so much but I didn't know how to bridge the gap.

Thankfully, she did.

She emailed me at Christmas time and we started really talking again. How glad I am to have her in my life, how much sweeter is our friendship this time around.

Several weeks ago our pastor preached a sermon about the four friends who lowered their friend through the roof of the house where Jesus was. Our pastor asked us who our four friends were, those friends that would fight for us, that we could call when we needed something. My friend, she is one of those friends.

For me it would be trivializing to say that she is my "best friend." She has so many people in her life and so many friends. She is so many things to so many people. She is though, the friend of my heart and I am thankful for her every day.

Deep Breath

Dreaded words on the phone. "Mrs Gamblin, It's Laura, the after school director. Abby took a bad fall and hit her head."

My heart immediately stopped and I took a deep breath. One of my greatest fears come to life-one of my girls getting hurt. The panic got worse when I told her that I was on my way and she asked if Abby got worse if I wanted an ambulance called. I said "yes," gathered my stuff and ran out of the building, I probably broke more than a few speed limit rules along the way.

I dashed into the building and found my sweet girl surrounded by her favorite after school person, the director and her sweet little sister who was holding her hand. She gave me a wan smile and told me that she was dizzy and her head hurt.

My heart stopped racing quite as quickly because I could see that she wasn't in immediate danger and so we headed off to the urgent care center to get her checked out. They put us in a room and she immediately climbed into my lap and snuggled against me.

She's fine the doctor told me. No CT scan needed, just observation and lots of love from her mom and dad and sisters. Dinner from her favorite place (Arby's), a movie on the couch and now snuggled into my bed. I can let that deep breath out again.

Abby at 3. Love that Smile

Our Christmas Trip to NYC

My favorite skyline in the whole world

The indoor ferris wheel at Toys R Us

Ellis Island

The heart of it all, Times Square

Broadway

The set of Good Morning America

The view from our hotel window

Times Squares famous billboards

Abby and Maddie in the American Girl Doll Store

In front of the world famous Christmas Windows at Sak's 5th Avenue

The Statue of Liberty

Home of the Rockettes

Freezing to death in the city

Rockefeller Center

Mom and her girls in front of the tree

Riding the very warm subway

The Plaza Hotel where Eloise lives

FAO Schwart soldier made out of Jelly Belly's

The "Big" Piano

Nightline Sky

Next trip to the city will be in the spring or summer when we can enjoy the weather and not freeze to death.

Sisters and Friends

I had a moment yesterday that took my breath away. We were at soccer practice and Maddie was taking a water break. All three girls were clustered around me talking at once with me and with each other. There was chaos and confusion and love and warmth. They were teasing each other and smiling and laughing and loving.

I think every parent has moments where they wonder if they are doing it right? Am I doing what is best for my kids or are they going to need years of therapy later? Some days I am convinced we should just set aside the therapy money now. But then in moments like today, I think we did something right. They genuinely love each other.

There are of course, those moments when I have to separate them before their words wound each other (thankfully, they rarely if ever get physical with each other). But for the most part, left to their own devices they play well together and laugh often. Maddie and Abby played in the pouring down rain last week, stomping through puddles and sliding in the mud. Destiny and Abby bond through the shared chore of the dreaded dishes and it does my heart good to hear encouraging words come out of their mouths toward each other. Maddie and Destiny share a room (well, sort of) and share the same messy tendencies and hear the same lectures from me on putting their things away.

It’s different for me because while I have stepbrothers and stepsisters, we didn’t grow up in the same house. I don’t always get people’s bonds with their siblings and the stuff that they are willing to put up with. The stories that my co-worker’s tell about their siblings and the relationships make me go, “Really?’ On the other hand, when I see a tight bond and an obvious love between siblings then I think “Ah, that’s what I want for my kids.” To consider each other as their own best friends, to know that there is always someone that is rooting for them, someone who has their back and loves them no matter what.

Sad and broken

I find myself silent lately. I still look at my FB account but rarely post. I haven't written here much. The entries don't seem to be in me. I feel kind of broken and kind of sad.

It's been a hard winter. There has been so much loss around us this winter. It seems that every day someone else tells me they have lost someone. My roommate from college's soon to be born baby, Bud's fraternity brother, my friend's husband, a local high school football standout that played for one of our friends that is a coach, my co-workers 24 year old daughter, my friend's dad, my other's friends daughter that is missing. I am having trouble shaking the sadness. Thinking of how fleeting life is.

Don't get me wrong. I am not wallowing or trying not to. I'm still enjoying life, my husband, my girls. I'm still laughing and dreaming. I just find myself more introspective lately, less likely to want to talk about all of it with anyone (unless the conversations that I have with my Dad in my head count).

I find myself realizing that I have spent years trying to make other's happy, to do the right thing, to create illusions of perfectness. The irony is that the harder I tried the more I resented trying when others were not (from my perspective) or resented when I couldn't be perfect and all of that would just make me angry and angry made me bitter and bitterness is pretty recognizeable and not very attractive I might add.

And now........

I think I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin and recognizing that I'm not perfect. I am not the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend. I am never going to be perfect. I could use the line but "I'm forgiven" which makes me smile as I write it. I think of course that God loves me but I recognize that He wouldn't necessarily approve of me, of the person that I am.

So, I feel kind of broken and sad and maybe that's just the way that He wants. I just know that I can't try anymore and I can't pretend.

Dancing with Daddy

The little girl's Girl Scout Unit sponsored a Father Daughter Dance at the local school several weeks ago. Maddie's Daisy troop and Abby's Girl Scout troop both particpated and they were happy to be escorted to the dance this year by their first love, their Daddy.

The theme of this year's dance was "Western" so off I headed to buy plaid shirts and boots. I didn't do so well on finding boots for the girls but I did find very cute plaid shirts for the girls and a shirt for Dad that matched.

Pre-Dance as they headed out to have dinner with Daddy prior to the dance

Maddie Grace

Daddy and Maddie

Abby and Daddy dancing. Abby's eyes were red because they were dancing to Butterfly Kisses which always makes her cry. It's what my Dad and I danced to at my wedding.

Having a great time. One of the other dad's told me later that Bud could really dance. Who knew he had it in him?

The girls with their friends M.K and E and their Dad, a very good friend of ours.

Disco Sister's. I don't think Maddie was quite as into it as her sister

Abby