You can take the girl out of Pennsylvania

I used to think that it didn't matter where you came from, or what your history was.

You were, who you were.

And to some extent, I guess that is true. You can rise above anything, become anything, change your future and not live your past but your past is always a part of you. Not just the past that you have lived but the past your parents have lived and grandparents have lived.

Abby has been immersed for the last few weeks in a project on her family tree for a school project. She has been talking to relatives and gathering information on her family. What were her grandparents names and great-grandparents and great-great grandparents? Who lived where? Who served in the military? She has been excited to learn that she has English blood, Scottish blood, and even Irish blood. She decided though that for her project she would embrace her Pennsylvania Dutch (German) heritage which comes from my father's side of the family. I wanted her to do that because so much of what who she is becoming is being shaped by living in the South, which is it's own unique heritage and while I want her to be proud of that, I also want her to be proud of the heritage that she has from my side of the family.

In reminiscing for the project and gathering photographs together, I realized how much I took for granted growing up in area that had Amish families with their horses and buggies, people that still spoke Pennsylvania Dutch (or German) primarily, incredible food (shoofly pies, chicken potpie, chow chow), beautiful snow falls, good polka music, farmer's markets, and so much more. Phrases that my mom and dad always said sound funny to anyone not from Pennsylvania, "Outen the light (turn the light out), "quit ruching (moving ) around", "you are so doplich (clumsy)." My grandmother used to always say, "We need to redd (clean) up the kitchen" or when my hair was messy she would always say that I looked like "Strubley Betts" and I would giggle because it sounded so funny.

As wonderful as all of those memories were and a part of me, I also realized that certain aspects of my personality are all Pennsylvania Dutch and maybe not as wonderful. The Pennsylvania Dutch are known for being unfriendly and closed. They are self sufficient, hate change, and want to keep their lives private within their family. I can definitely see many of these things within my personality but I also think that my time in the military and moving all over the country combined with a wonderful Southern husband has tempered some of those tendencies. Bud never goes anywhere that he can't find someone to talk to, I don't usually find the need to talk to anyone and think that texting people is the greatest invention ever.

I am hopeful for my girls though. Hopeful that just as I grew up in a mixed household (a Pennsylvania father and a mother from Indiana) that maybe my girls growing up in a blended Northern and Southern household might get the best from both of us, instead of the worst.

Abby's project ended on an up note as we baked a shoofly pie from her great grandmother Sarah's recipe book to share with her classmates and she picked out one of her great grandmother Virginia's aprons to wear over her skirt for Immigration day at school.

Immigration day was designed for kids to celebrate where they came from but also to understand the experience of what it was like for immigrants coming from other countries, processing through Ellis Island and settling into their new homes in a brand new country.

Getting his passport checked by one of the teachers

Abby and R , the German immigrants

Waiting in the very long line to process

Abby's wonderful teacher, Mrs. Z.

Leaving "Ellis Island" and headed toward the "train station"

A huge thanks to our school staff who made this such an incredible experience for the kids and who also allowed me to walk back down memory lane and look at my heritage.

It's amazing

how words can bring such joy or such sorrow. Sweet "I love you's" whispered from my husband or from my girls make my eyes light up and my heart feel warm. It can take a day that is gray and gloomy and transform it into sunshine and light.

At the same time, words can also bring pain strong enough to drop you to your knees. Pain that is almost physical it hurts so badly. The words I heard tonight were not ones that were unexpected. They were guised under a friendly tone but the warning was there nonetheless. How I wish that they didn't hurt so. I wish that the aura that I projected was really me, the "you can't hurt me, me"

The difference between Mom's and Dad's

There are major differences between moms and dads.

Mom's make sure that their childrens take their own bright, colored, pretty, water bottles to school. Dad's say, "Oh, you can drink out of the water fountain."

Mom's iron outfits even if they are running late because they don't want anyone to think that they are not a good mom. Dad's thinks that the child is good to go if the shoes match each other.

Mom's will insist their child have a piece of cheese in the morning along with their waffle to ensure a balanced breakfast. Dad's think a strawberry pop tart and chocolate milk is a balanced breakfast.

Mom's insist on sweatshirts and jackets and gloves and a hat. Dad's say, "Oh, it's only a short dash to from the car to the school."

Mom's start planning their child's field trip lunch the night before and look to make sure that they have everything they need including drinks and snacks. Dad's decide that soup sounds good for lunch and decide that morning is soon enough to get all the other things together for lunch.

Mom's set their alarms early to get up in order to have everything ready for the field trip. Dad's play the new "Call of Duty" video game way too late and then hit snooze when the alarm goes off.

Mom's then get annoyed at the Dad's, so they make the soup (oh, and there isn't any chicken noodle so we will have to improvise with Chef Boyardee Ravoli), make the sanwiches because the child that the Dad sent in there to make them isn't moving too quickly this morning, insist that some fruit goes into the lunch bags along with the candy from Halloween, realizes that there is only one drink and quickly sends child down to basement to procure more drinks to pack, reminds child to take her camera and gives child extra batteries for the camera, and hands out kisses and hugs before she leaves for work. Dad's get a shower and then glower at Mom because she has "taken over."

Of course, I am not talking about our house. At our house, Dad always does things the way that Mom does :)

Bud took Abby on her 4th grade gifted class field trip today and she had an incredible time with him. Two hours there and back on a bus with 4th and 5th graders, and a wet tramp in the woods. He is my hero!!! Surprisingly enough, he did fine without Mom orchestrating the entire day. He and his girl enjoyed themselves immensely and the soup (or ravioli) that Mom thought wasn't that great of an idea was voted as the best lunch by the class because the State Park was rainy and cool today and it hit the spot.

Oh, and the batteries that Mom took credit for.......dead so no pics until Dad came to the rescue. Thank goodness he (who always knows where his phone is, unlike Mom) thought to take pics with his camera phone and send them to Mom at work so she could enjoy them.

Abby and Bud, Target Field Trip, November 2009

I should clarify that many of the differences I posted are not actually personal ones and the ones that were personal may have been a teeny bit exaggerated to make someone look a little bit better :)

Thankful for a husband who sees the importance of taking a day off now and then to do a field trip with his girls.

One of those days

You ever have one of those days where you just feel overwhelmed and alone. This isn't one of those days, it's one of those weeks. I have a few things going on that at the moment seem insurmountable to me. My heart is heavy and quite honestly, I am just sad. I miss my dad this week more than words can say. The other night I was driving and I thought back to the time in the hospital when he wasn't talking yet and I sat there just crying and he reached over gently and rubbed my tear away and patted my face. I miss the comfort that he gave. I miss him.

And yet in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and alone, I remember that I am not ever really alone. That the road is not an easy one all of the time. Life is not a destination but a journey. And what is to come if far better than anything than I could ever imagine. And so I press on.

Sick

I am sick.  I received my sickness via my baby girl who wrapped her arms around my neck and breathed in my face several nights ago.   Now I feel like I have been stomped on and my head feels like it is about to explode.  But I just heard the sweetest words in the whole universe, sweeter than the first "I love you", sweeter than the "I do" at the altar.  They are....are you ready?  They are, "Go to bed and I will take care of everything so I am off to do exactly that.  

My Facebook Obsession

Several months ago one of my college roommates joined Facebook and invited me to do the same.  I didn't do it right away but one day out of curiosity I joined.  I didn't see the big deal about Facebook.  It just seemed like more of an adult version of My Space (which I had never seen the attraction too either).

Fast forward several months and I am obsessed.  What happened in the interim is that people I knew from my distant past began contacting me and asking me to be my friend on Facebook.  It has been fascinating to catch up with people from my past and see what they are up to.   I have found or been found by: my prom date from high school (married with five boys-oh my!!!),my roommate from my wild years in Florida (who has also gotten married and settled down with two kids of her own), various college friends, and several friends from my military days.  It also helps me keep up with some friends that I am still in contact with but don't get to talk to often enough.  I can see pics and videos of their families.  I can participate in random surveys, play games, send gifts and the list goes on.  I don't have to friend anyone that I don't really want to and they don't have to friend me either.  I have only been rejected by one person who I dated a lifetime ago and I really wanted to send back a message and say, "Okay, you really were not all that."

I love my life and I wouldn't change it for anything but it is nice to remember back to the days when I was just a daughter, friend, and  girlfriend.  No responsibilities, no bills, really no worries, except what we were going to do that weekend.  

If you are looking for a way to revisit your past or you just want something that will suck up hours of your time but leave you smiling, Facebook might be just the ticket.  My husband won't join because he thinks that he will be contacted by his plethora of old girlfriends and it will end up making me mad and then he will be in trouble.  He said, "Kathleen, joining Facebook would be like me seeing a train coming and throwing myself in front of it anyway."  I think maybe he thinks too highly of himself.  LOL!  I would love to see all of you join because then I wouldn't be the only one obsessed.  BTW- I absolutely expect an invitation to be your friend if you join.   

Exhausted

that is what I am.  It is only mid week and I have no idea how I am going to make it to Friday. With practice four nights a week (cheerleading three nights and soccer a fourth night) and games on Saturday's plus all of our other commitments I am burning the candle at both ends.  "Where is Bud" you ask?  Well, he commutes an hour to work and an hour home so he leaves before us in the morning and gets home long after we do.  That wouldn't be bad if I was a stay-at-home mom but I'm not.  I work too and so everyday I get up, get all three kids up, dressed, fed and out the door to school.  I pick up all three kids every night at two different places, rush to get them dinner (they know way too many  fast food restaurant menu's) and off to practice.  The weekends haven't been much better lately with commitments to birthday parties, work picnics, games, church and time with friends.  But I am blessed beyond measure.  My kids are healthy and reasonably happy and they get to do things that I never got the chance to experience.  Exhausted I am but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

10 Years Today

Today I have been married for 10 years.  Has it really been that long since we said I do?  Was it really that long ago that we ran off to Lake Tahoe just the two of us?  To be very honest, I wouldn't have traded that day for the biggest, most glamourous wedding in the whole world. That day was and always be just ours.  Just the two of us in love and saying, "I do"

We have had our ups and downs in the the past 10 years, from learning to live with each other to learning to live with babies and now little people.  We have weathered the deaths of my father and his mother, two holes that can never be filled in our hearts but two hearts that understand just how big that hole is.  We have been through job changes, career changes and more moves than I care to count.  We have cried together, laughed together and yelled at each other (sometimes the latter more than the former).

The truth is that there is no one else in this world that I would rather be with.  For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

I love you Bud.  Happy 10th Anniversary!!!!

Love,

Boo

Nurse of Excellence

I received a phone call this week that I had been chosen as one of the honoree's for the Atlanta Journal Constitution's Nurse of Excellence Award. Out of 305 nominee's I was one of 10 selected for this honor. They are going to do an article about me for the AJC healthcare supplement that comes out and I am also going to be honored at a luncheon. It is however my honor to care for the patients that I have and to have been a part of their fight.

New Job

Well, today I said yes to a new position in the hospital. I hope that I am not making a mistake. I am stepping away from oncology at the hospital and I am going to work as a charge nurse on a rehabilitation unit. Why the change? Well, the job that I was promised as a nurse navigator and what had actually materialized are light years apart. My job is actually more that of a secretary than of a nurse. The physicians really don't want us to "navigate" their patients and so I have been prevented I feel, from doing what I was hired to do and what I have wanted to do. I knew for sometime that things at work were changing and I was hoping desperately that they would once again resume their normal keel. However, this is not to be and so I am leaving and going back over to the hospital. The good news is that I will be working 6:30 until 3:00 so I will have much more time with my girls and with Bud. I also received a pay raise which is always nice and I think I am going to a place where I can make a difference and be appreciated.

The good news is that I am not walking away from oncology all together. Cindy (my wonderful nurse navigator friend) and I met with several people from our church today about starting a cancer care program. I am excited about the possibilites of helping those with cancer and their families in our church. They seem excited about the idea as well. It seems that sometimes God shuts one door only to open another one.